Last night I hung out with Karyn and Brad finally! I haven't seen them since the baby reveal party really! It was good to hang out and catch up. Dinner was good and we had some amazing cheesecake from Cheesecake's by Alex! It was the white chocolate raz...which was our wedding cake also! We talked about baby stuff and pregnancy issues going on...Karyn felt the baby moving...Brad made a few typical Brad jokes...and we watched some Friends. Reagan has changed so much...she is so pretty! It's fun to see babies go from that cute but gender neutral type stage to "what a beautiful little baby girl!" Everything was great hanging out...then I went to the restroom. As I was washing my hands I decided to check out my belly...and that's when I saw them....stretch marks!!! I couldn't believe it. No more bikini's...no more having my belly just poking out...can't have pregnancy pics taken without worrying about that...ugh.
When I got home and was laying in bed all I could do was cry. It seems like such a trivial thing to be so upset about but I just can't help it. And I still have a little less than 8 weeks to go...who knows how many will be added. And these aren't the faint, silvery type of stretch marks...these are those red, spidery looking ones that can quickly turn into fire at a moment's notice. I'm just so sad. One thing my husband has always told me he loves about me is my skin tone and how soft and pretty it is. No longer. All those bottles of lotions...wasted...because it apparently didn't matter how much I slathered on my belly...those angry marks to remind me of how stretched out my skin is getting were going to pop up anyway.
And the absolute worst...I'm upset with Harrison. I don't want to admit that. I hate saying that. But I blame him. So now I'm more than ready for him to come out so I can forgive him for giving mommy ugly marks on her belly. Because I know as soon as I see that little face and he grasps my finger so tightly none of it will matter. The morning sickness, the cramping, the back pain, the shooting pain that makes me not able to stand, the 40+ pounds I've tacked on, no beer, no wine, limited caffeine, messy house, having to trade in my sports car for a family car, no 1st anniversary vacation, STRETCH MARKS (the last straw for me apparently!), blah blah blah...none of it will matter. And it will all be worth this little life we've created.
(I apologize for the gloominess of this post...I promise it's not always like this!)
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